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SQUIB CENTRAL at Comics101.com
By Joshua Jabcuga
2007-03-12 - Captain America Ain't as Dead as Van Halen
Capt. America ain't as dead as VAN HALEN. Josh Jabcuga says it's time for all of us Van Halen/Hagar fans to move on already. "And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes / I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."
"Brain Damage" from Dark Side of the Moon by PINK FLOYD.
At this point, I think we've all given up on seeing a VAN HALEN reunion tour with "Diamond" David Lee Roth on lead vocals. And really, would it be VAN HALEN without Michael Anthony? I, for one, won't be holding my breath.
Just when things were starting to look good for a 40-some-odd date summer amphitheater tour, with the boys playing the hits and nothing but the hits, folks, word gets out that any such reunion has skidded to a halt before it even got runnin' (with the devil, that is). The bad guy here, of course, is Eddie Van Halen. Whether you were a fan of the group when it was fronted by Dave, or when it was fronted by Sammy (let's not include the third version, good, bad, or...mostly indifferent), the one constant was Eddie and his egomaniacal ways.
Both versions of the band had their pros and cons. Dave's version was more loosey-goosey, more party-friendly. Sammy's version, initially, was a more mature group, a BON JOVI with balls, if you will. The negative was Diamond Dave was maybe the coolest front man alive, in 1984. In 2007, hell, in 2004, his routine was even more like a shtick than ever. Instead of being the class clown who could get laid on a whim, he more closely resembled the creepy uncle checkin' out your younger sister's friends. The spandex and karate kicks just didn't cut it anymore.
The downside with Sammy wasn't as severe. Sammy's voice was just as good, if not better, than when he was with the group during their heyday, putting out albums like OU812 and FOR UNLAWFUL CARNAL KNOWLEDGE. But as time went on, he seemed to be less committed to the band, through no fault of his own, but simply because Eddie Van Halen seemed like he was becoming more and more of a tyrant everyday. The band was no longer about David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar, it was all about Eddie. And in Sammy's defense, when your boss is an asshole, sometimes your heart just ain't in the work anymore. Or for that matter, when fronting a rock band becomes too much like work, then maybe it's time to clock out. And with Sammy's solo career as strong as ever, maybe he had the best of both worlds.
The only thing fans would have counted on less than a Roth-fronted VAN HALEN being in the cards then, now, or in the future, was Sammy and Dave actually teaming up. And that's precisely what they did...for a while, at least. 2002 gave birth to THE SAM AND DAVE TOUR. Hell had indeed frozen over, as it's wont to do from time to time when you factor in sex, drugs, rock n' roll, and the ever increasing need for once rich and famous rock stars to cash in on their former fame and glory. Which one was Superman and which one was Lex Luthor? Which one was the Joker and which one was Batman? (Actually, I'm sure we can all figure out which one of the unlikely duo would be cast as the Joker.)
THE SAM AND DAVE TOUR would face its own in-fighting and oneupmanship of its own, and before the tour could play out all of its scheduled dates, it fizzled out with a whimper, not a bang. Unfortunate, too, because there was an electricity in the air at those shows that was...supernatural. In other words, it was something that couldn't be manufactured. It didn't come from a fog machine; it didn't come from the pyro, or a choreographed laser spectacle. It came from something else, somewhere else.
The tour was a chance to rewrite history, baby, right here, right now, and the fans couldn't ask for a better opportunity to get their money's worth. For once and for all, we'd get to see which of the two was indeed, the better man. The results were as mixed as some Jack Daniels and Coke, or Cabo Wabo tequila and whatever the hell else you mix with turpentine to make it go down better. The playing field was uneven, though. You can't compare apples to oranges, especially when the produce isn't exactly as fresh as the day it came from the farmers' market. The outcome was pretty much what one might expect: Sammy was the better singer, and Dave was the better entertainer. (There is a solid argument to be made though that since Sammy's voice was still intact, perhaps he was the best all-around performer, and thus, the better entertainer of the two.)
"Change, nothing stays the same
/ Unchained, yeah you hit the ground running
/ Change, and nothing stays the same
/ Unchained, yeah you hit the ground running /
No, I don't ask for permission
/ This is my chance to fly
/ Maybe enough ain't enough for you
/ But it's my turn to try"
"Unchained," from VAN HALEN'S Fair Warning
Monday being the day that VAN HALEN is inducted into the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame, you'd think for once, just for once, all the key players could let bygones be bygones. Really, guys, can't we all just get along, for Christ's sake? Icing to the (pound) cake was added when it was announced, first unofficially via rumors and leaks, and then officially through the band's camp, that Diamond Dave would be taking up the mantle once again as front man of VAN HALEN. Things were looking good, hell, Dave was looking good, too. An official photo shoot revealed Dave with a shorter hairstyle, unlike the fried blonde mane he sported for THE SAM AND DAVE TOUR.
"See you on the dark side of the moon"
He even looked, dare I say, cool, in a grown-up kinda way. He wasn't the guy from high school playing hooky all the time; he now looked like he'd somehow graduated on to college (although whether he was attending those hypothetical college classes was up for debate). Eddie still looked like the crazy troll that he's resembled for the last two decades or more. Alex Van Halen sort of looked like badass character actor Danny Trejo, and then there was Eddie's kid taking over bass duties for Michael Anthony, but, let's not go there. Beggars can't be choosers.
And then they tossed in the monkey wrench. Following the rumors then the official announcement that the band was back together, there were new rumors surfacing that the tour was off indefinitely. Eddie, where have all the good times gone? Might as well jump. Jump! Go ahead, jump! Well, maybe those words are a little harsh for a man who has just entered into rehab. 
"Happy Trails, Ed"
Yes, the band's official site had a message from Eddie dated March 8, 2007, and it reads:
"I would like Van Halen fans to know how much I truly appreciate each and every one of you. Without you there is no Van Halen.
I have always and will always feel a responsibility to give you my best. At the moment I do not feel that I can give you my best. That's why I have decided to enter a rehabilitation facility to work on myself, so that in the future I can deliver the 110% that I feel I owe you and want to give you.
Some of the issues surrounding the 2007 Van Halen tour are within my ability to change and some are not. As far as my rehab is concerned, it is within my ability to change and change for the better. I want you to know that is exactly what I'm doing, so that I may continue to give you the very best I am capable of.
I look forward to seeing you in the future better than ever and
I thank you with all my heart.
Love,
Ed"
Interesting that he says "Some of the issues surrounding the 2007 VAN HALEN tour are within my ability to change and some are not." The ones out of your ability to change are what exactly, Ed? Could it be your own ability to change? The world is tired of waiting for you, Ed. Time stands still for no one. Go ahead and jump. Might as well. The show must go on. God bless Sam, God bless Dave, and yeah, God bless Eddie Van Halen. Who needs him anyway? Bring on SAM AND DAVE II, the rematch. My money is double or nothin' on Diamond Dave.
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Important Notice: The Frankenstein Design, a registered U.S. copyright, and the VH logos, registered U.S. trademarks, are used on this website under license from E.L.V.H., Inc. The owner of this website is entirely responsible for all content and material on this website, and is not affiliated with, or endorsed by, VAN HALEN or E.L.V.H., Inc.
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